I just grabbed the first sentence…
“You’ve worked smart and achieved your dreams…”
How do you know they did that? Your being presumptious. You might be giving them credit where credit is not due. Too many assumptions.
And if it IS true (which it probably is) then they already know that… so therein lies the condescension…
your presuming to tell them something about themselves that they already know yet you yourself do not actually know them.
Moreover, how do u know this is their dream? Maybe their dream is to own thier own island? Maybe their dream is to live in another state or country. But, you apparently know them so well that you know this is THEIR dream!! That’s a very dangerous presumption- about them. (And is condescending)
You’re underestimating their intelligence.
By writing that, your coming across that they won’t be “smart enough” to see “through” it… (“it” being that your trying to “butter them up”- but you already knew what “it” was right? See, i just presumed you didn’t know what “it” was) which they will and some will resent you for it.
It’s like when u watch a movie and the director spells out everything for the viewer because he assumes the viewer is to dumb to piece it together.
A safer bet, would be to play to the area (if you’re going down the flattery path- which i wouldn’t any ways)… instead of saying, “You’ve achieved your dreams, you did this or that…” Say, “We live in a beautiful area and I’d like to make your views a bit brighter” - something like that where your complimenting “the area” and “then telling them what you can do for them”